(no subject)

[twirlgrrl]

The struggle to Not Buy Stuff continues. Currently it's centered around clothes. I have plenty of clothes, as do most of us. But I wear the same 6 or 7 things over and over. Most of my clothes don't fit, I guess. Or they don't look good, or they're not useful for the situations I find myself in these days. But I look at my mountain of clothes and I *know* I shouldn't buy any more. I have plenty of stuff that fits, and a few things that are OK for work (though not ideal), and I don't need anything just because I'm sick of the stuff I have. I would love to buy a couple of classy work blouses, and some new Birks, and a few other things that have been dancing around in my head. But I'm trying to hold off. I'm just not very good at limiting myself.

A little while ago, a friend from another country came to visit. She's been all over the world. I guess I was embarrassed enough about paying a nanny to help care for my kid that I felt I needed to defend myself by blathering on about how we're "not rich." I meant by SF standards, income levels, blah blah blah... But she looked me in the eye and said "But you ARE. Very rich." Well, OF COURSE I am, in the grand scheme of things. I felt so stupid.

We're all so rich in possessions. How do you resist the pull of consumerism in your life?

Comments

[sagefemme11.livejournal.com]

If I feel the need to buy something for myself, I will either buy it and be happy, or not and think about it. If, after 48 hours I still think it's a good idea, I'll buy it and be happy.

I would like a sauna for my mountain cabin. I priced them recently and discovered it would cost about $9,500.00 start to finish for the one I like. I have the money now, but will not buy it because I have other things I'd like to use that money for. That doesn't mean I'll never buy the sauna. Just not in the now.

Often, that sort of thinking alleviates the immediate want enough to give me room to rethink it all in many different lights. And if, in a year or so I still want it and have the money, you bet your bottom dollar I'll buy it. I work very hard for my money and plan to enjoy it in my lifetime!!!!!

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, the delay technique. I use that a lot too. Once I put off buying a vacuum cleaner for 4 months just because it was an outrageous amount of money, but I ended up buying it because I was sick of thinking about it all the time. I figured, if it came up in my brainpan that much, I frickin' needed it. After all, it is purple with embedded glitter. How much more of a reason to buy a vacuum cleaner does one need?

It turned out to be the best vc I've ever had.

[ninjalie.livejournal.com]

Why don't you just set aside a certain amount of materialism money? That way you can buy stuff but you'll have some sort of limit on it. Also, make a run to the goodwill if you have too many clothes. I know what you mean about stuff just not fiting right anymore or just not looking good anymore I have so many clothes like that. It allways takes me forever to build up a collection of clothes that I really like. Try buying things you've been wanting for at least a week. That helps me because then I know I really want it and will wear it.

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love the *idea* of budgeting, and allocating certain amounts of money for certain types of expenditures. But the reality is I am way too permissive with myself and have never been able to make a budget work in my life. That is not to say that I'm not going to keep trying. Every once in a while, I give it the old college try once again. Thanks for the poke.

Goodwill never has stuff that would fit me. But I used to do a lot of thrifting when I was a more normal size.

[pearlsb4swine.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I forget to do laundry for a long, long time. The stuff that sits in my drawer while I "have nothing to wear" gets thrown out. The stuff that stays in my laundry basket for weeks because I only have time to wash the stuff I really wear all the time also gets thrown out. Thrown out=Goodwill or the street, where folks can grab what they want/need.
After this process I feel fine about going to buy new stuff *if* I still feel that I have nothing decent to wear for various occasions, AND I have enough money for groceries and bills. That latter consideration keeps me out of stores quite frequently. If it does not, that's my definition of "rich".
Office wear wins most times, which sucks when it's time to go to a party. For parties I either make a special purchase or don't go. Therefore, being able to go to parties is another definition of "rich" for me.

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

I really miss living in the Haight, where anything I left outside would be gone in a hot second. In my current suburban reality (GG Heights) I have to do the freecycle and/or goodwill thing and it takes longer to get rid of stuff. I am definitely defenestrating though. I love your method of identifying which clothes you no longer need. I only wear about 10% of my current clothing stash--I need to spend more time sorting through the chaff and making a big goodwill run.

Thanks for your thoughts, and for your personal definition of "rich." In this town, exceeding that standard is indeed difficult!

No, really, this is all connected in my head

[canetoad.livejournal.com]

But she looked me in the eye and said "But you ARE. Very rich."

Right now, we have a lot of money. A LOT. I've never been this wealthy, ever. Money is such a powerful symbol, isn't it? Money, power, spending, consumption... Cultural formulas about it are programmed in from Sesame Street on up. Most of those messages I missed, growing up the way I did, so I never tend to think I need very much stuff (so there's nothing to have to limit). I end up running in circles mentally, unable to spend money even on things we really do need (like, a drainage solution for our flooding yard). Or I have a hard time talking with friends who are less well off financially -- which is EVERYONE I KNOW right now. Gee, that's what I needed, to feel even more outcast-ish and socially inept.

The hardest thing about having kids right now is all the STUFF that accumulates. Three kids and three sets of grandparents plus other immediate and extended family -- we just can't convince them that we don't need more STUFF.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and panicky about how cluttered our house is -- three kids and a pack-rat husband. I'm guilty of secretly just throwing stuff out/giving it away when no one is looking. It's always stuff that someone has left lying around for weeks and months. Sometimes, before I get rid of it for good, I bag it up and stick it in a closet or in the garage for a few more months, just in case someone asks for it. No treasured heirlooms or memory pieces, right, just... whatever. Half-broken toys, or things from relatives that no one will ever use/read/eat/whatever.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I don't really feel a consumerist pull much; quite the opposite, in fact. When I do spend money, it's almost always for someone else or something for the household in general.

Having sudden (relative) wealth is hard. Paul can think of a million and one things to spend it on, and he wants me to have the things that I want, too. Only, I can never think of anything. And even the things we agree to buy for the household, I drag my feet about -- because, honestly, we don't absolutely NEED any of it!

Paul and I went furniture shopping this past Fall; we spent a weekend picking out stuff we both liked. Then I started hemming and hawing and shrugging about it, and he actually had to throw a little temper tantrum to get me to go buy the stuff! We had a good laugh over that, how, you know, most people argue so as NOT to spend money.

Another stray thought on social programming: It used to be, when we wanted to wield our economic power to keep big business in check, we BOYCOTTED things, i.e. we DIDN'T spend money. I still remember my mom and other area families refusing to buy iceberg lettuce (ah, the days of iceberg lettuce!:). It literally rotted on store shelves all over the northeast until -- what do you know! -- prices came back down again. These days, it's all about BUYING. We don't boycott businesses with bad practices, we simply spend MORE to reward businesses that we like. That sounds like it's the same thing, but it isn't really. It's actually a big shift in thinking, a shift toward greater consumerism.

So all the furniture is finally here, and I love it and use it every day. But still, if it had been left totally up to me, we'd probably be sitting on the floor.

Re: No, really, this is all connected in my head

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're one of those minimalist types in terms of stuff. I admire that about you and my other friends who are the same way by choice. I just can't understand how one gets to that mental space. Nor am I sure I aspire to it--on some level I do, but on some level I identify with my packrat-ness. I'm sure it comes from great losses early in life. Tangible stuff represents memories to me, and keeping all those memories around is a form of security. One of my worst fears is a house fire, and I spend a fair amount of time developing evacuation plans in my head--what I would take first, how I would get it all out of the house in time. Of course, as is often the case with neurotic thoughts, I don't actually do anything to protect my possessions or consolidate the ones I'd want to rescue.

I too have a hard time spending big chunks of money on agreed-upon household necessities, repairs, etc. What I'm better at (actually really BAD at) is emotional purchases. Music, food, even hybrid cars--anything that will make me feel better is hard to resist. That is in line with a general theme in my life, I suppose.

Anyway... Your house is just about the least cluttered home around, despite having kids. Of course, you have a LOT of space to spread out in now. And your furniture is very nice. I understand the awkwardness of having more than your friends--I've been in that position with many of my friends, although I'm feeling much less prosperous these days. I still *look* pretty prosperous from the outside, though. It's funny how prosperity is largely an emotional state. And some numbers in columns.

I am surprised to hear you describe yourself as feeling outcast-ish and socially inept. We've never had a conversation about that.

Anyway... thanks for writing this. I'm interested in hearing what you mean by "growing up the way I did" in your first paragraph.

[kathykat.livejournal.com]

I have nothing profound to add, you know how I feel about Africa already.

but on another note...two words:

little tikes.

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Hee hee!