(no subject)

[twirlgrrl]

I finally figured out which earthquake it was that gave me such a phobia. I thought it might have been the Sylmar one, but I was only almost 5 then. Turns out it was centered in Santa Barbara on 8/13/78 at 3:55pm, magnitude 5.1. So I was almost 12, and my brother was 9. Man, that earthquake scared the living crap out of me. I was in the church gym with my mom and brother--Mother was preparing for some church function in the kitchen. I heard a sound like someone was throwing gravel on the roof of the gym, then it quickly escalated to sounding like a jet was about to crash through the roof. We went running, and the ground was moving so crazily that I felt I would fall--my feet weren't landing where I thought they would. Mother ran through the kitchen, and the cupboards opened and rained cups down around her head as she escaped. We went out and sat in the middle of the newly asphalted parking lot, where I watched the ground shudder more mildly for a while. Then it subsided into weird shifting and resettling movements. It was like sitting on the tongue of a dragon. Have you ever looked in the mirror and tried to hold your tongue tense, but perfectly still? Your tongue muscles just keep shifting and rippling a little, never quite settling down. The ground was just like that for a long time. It was the strangest feeling to have nothing solid underneath my feet and bum. Very disconcerting, and I'll never forget it. But the panic of the initial roar, running, and the cups crashing down is what knocked me over into phobia panic.

Comments

[sagefemme11.livejournal.com]

Glad you were able to shake yourself out ad accomplish much yesterday with the help of a friend. Yum!

Isn't it wild how we can hold on to crippling fear and bring it with us for years and years? Before I became a midwife, I had a paralyzing fear of needles in my body from a very young childhood experience involving four-point restaint and a needle in the arm. Took me learning to give needles to others to get over the vomit reflex when approached by a needle.

I understand the earthquake fear part. You are doing well to write about it with such clarity and vividness. Om.