twirlgrrl | (no subject)

Once again I feel completely backed against a wall. Everything in my life feels completely out of control. My email, my desk, my bills, my various work projects, my kitchen, my garage, my sleep schedule, my time, EVERYTHING. All my lists keep growing and I haven't been able to cross a single item off of any of them for days, and now I lost my list book. No idea where to find it in the giant piles of crap stuffing the corners of my house. My living room actually looks pretty good right now, so that's a bright spot. But anyway. Life is overwhelming. I don't know how to feel OK about this. I just want to scream and keep screaming.

Part of this has to do with the huge deadline (survey at a hospital) looming Thursday, coupled with the fact that I am set to doula a birth that may occur at the same time. That feeling of everything being on hold while waiting for someone to go into labor is intensified when there might be an unresolvable conflict. Plus I haven't pumped enough breastmilk for Blue to drink during the labor & birth. Although I don't even know if he'll drink it anymore. He hasn't had a bottle in months.

But please, can I just have enough time tomorrow to pick up a prescription? I need to get it before I run out of meds--my thyroid prescription is critical to keeping up my milk supply. I was going to go pick it up today but Evan didn't wake up until 4pm (to be fair, he did watch Blue from 8:30-11 while I slept a couple hours to make up for staying up until 4am at work) and we just didn't get anything else done. We did take Blue to the park for a short walk around, but it was the wrong corner of the park so I spent the whole time trying to make sure Blue didn't eat any cigarette butts. He ended up splashing around in a couple of really nasty puddles and getting totally muddy. Then we scooped him back up and went straight back home, and I promptly fell asleep nursing him and didn't wake up until 1am, too late to call anybody again DAMN IT. Blah blah blah. The day got away from me is all. I just need to rant about it because I am feeling so incredibly stressed.

I should probably STFU and get to work.