(no subject)

[twirlgrrl]

Once again I feel completely backed against a wall. Everything in my life feels completely out of control. My email, my desk, my bills, my various work projects, my kitchen, my garage, my sleep schedule, my time, EVERYTHING. All my lists keep growing and I haven't been able to cross a single item off of any of them for days, and now I lost my list book. No idea where to find it in the giant piles of crap stuffing the corners of my house. My living room actually looks pretty good right now, so that's a bright spot. But anyway. Life is overwhelming. I don't know how to feel OK about this. I just want to scream and keep screaming.

Part of this has to do with the huge deadline (survey at a hospital) looming Thursday, coupled with the fact that I am set to doula a birth that may occur at the same time. That feeling of everything being on hold while waiting for someone to go into labor is intensified when there might be an unresolvable conflict. Plus I haven't pumped enough breastmilk for Blue to drink during the labor & birth. Although I don't even know if he'll drink it anymore. He hasn't had a bottle in months.

But please, can I just have enough time tomorrow to pick up a prescription? I need to get it before I run out of meds--my thyroid prescription is critical to keeping up my milk supply. I was going to go pick it up today but Evan didn't wake up until 4pm (to be fair, he did watch Blue from 8:30-11 while I slept a couple hours to make up for staying up until 4am at work) and we just didn't get anything else done. We did take Blue to the park for a short walk around, but it was the wrong corner of the park so I spent the whole time trying to make sure Blue didn't eat any cigarette butts. He ended up splashing around in a couple of really nasty puddles and getting totally muddy. Then we scooped him back up and went straight back home, and I promptly fell asleep nursing him and didn't wake up until 1am, too late to call anybody again DAMN IT. Blah blah blah. The day got away from me is all. I just need to rant about it because I am feeling so incredibly stressed.

I should probably STFU and get to work.

Comments

[sagefemme11.livejournal.com]

Take two of those things and do them. Then with a narrowed down list, choose another. Little by little. Births will happen when it is their time, and Blue will decide what to do with the bottle when presented in the moment with the issue.

You're doing fine, just stay focused. What needs to get done, will. Trust that and be a human being, not a human doing. :-)

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

I would love to feel like a human being instead of a human doing. That is lovely. Thank you for your calming words.

[kathykat.livejournal.com]

you need a hotline phone (think Bat Phone) just for me! I try to call you, I never get ahold of you...well, I do, but it's rare....

[ninjalie.livejournal.com]

oooh boy i've known THAT feeling. Isn't it nice how shit allways happens at once and never spreads out over a reasonable and managable amount of time?

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, WTF is up with that anyway?

[artemis-rich.livejournal.com]

I wish I had magical words of advice for you to make it all better, but if I did then I wouldn't be living in Fibber McGee's closet.

Just sending you hugs and strength from across the bay.

Remember, breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Repeat. Don't stop.