Kids and religion

[twirlgrrl]

This letter in Slate this week really struck me, and I am wondering if anybody has any thoughts on it--either the mom's question or Prudie's response. I wonder how you would feel in this situation and what your reaction would be? Now, I know that spirituality-wise I am in the distinct minority here, but most of you know I'm interested in discussing these things with anyone who's interested in discussing them (except the crazies on the street corners with bullhorns) and am not easily offended, so please feel free to share your thoughts if you have the time.



Dear Prudence,
We moved to a new neighborhood more than a year ago and have been friendly with all of our neighbors. Our kids (ages 6 and 9) have made friends with several neighborhood kids. One neighbor is very religious, but we are not religious at all. My daughter is over at their house for an extended period probably once a week or so, and their daughters also play at our house. I always thought that we would just discuss religious, mythological, and spiritual matters openly and honestly with our kids, and as they grew older, they could make their own choices. I've told my kids about the different concepts people have of God and that I don't believe in a God that is a supernatural person. Recently, though, my daughter came home from the neighbor's with some very specific religious claims—creationist myths about the age of the Earth, and a claim that God is proved because of some very specific prophecies that "came true." All of a sudden, my daughter wants to get religious jewelry and go to their fundamentalist religious school because "they learn about God." It seems my choices are to confront my neighbor, make playtime at their house off-limits, aggressively educate my daughter that our neighbor is full of crap, or just passively trust in my current "the truth will set you free" approach. I don't want to make any enemies in the neighborhood, but I don't like the level of brainwashing that could go on while I am trying to play fair.

—Raising Kids, Not Disciples

Dear Raising,
First try talking to your neighbor. Invite her over for a cup of coffee while the kids are elsewhere and explain that while you have great respect for her religious views, you are asking that she respect the fact that you're raising your children differently, and you prefer she not discuss her beliefs with your children. If she backs off, fine. If she sees this as a sign that she must rescue your children from Satan's clutches, you have to take more aggressive action. Shift the majority of play dates to your house; have your daughter play with other girls who are more interested in dress-up than in proselytizing. In response to your daughter's new religiosity, calmly explain that people have different religious views and you don't share your neighbor's. Show her a book on dinosaurs and explain that many people who believe in God also know that dinosaurs lived millions of years ago. Also recognize that in comparison to your lack of faith, it's probably thrilling for your daughter to encounter someone who speaks about angels and miracles. Since your daughter is interested in God, why don't you take charge of her religious education? Get a children's Bible, and read and discuss the stories with her—knowing Bible stories is part of being an educated person. That's what you'd do if she developed an interest in Greek mythology. You say you want your children to grow up and make their own religious choices. Does that mean it really would be all right with you if they end up believing in God?

—Prudie

Comments

[janisfan.livejournal.com]

I was wondering what you feel is "the minority here"? That way I know how to respond. I definitely have some thoughts on this one.

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

I meant as a Christian. I'm pretty sure I have very few Christians on my FL.

[ninjalie.livejournal.com]

I also was wondering what you're classifying as "the minority." I'll give my two cents on this even though I don't have any children yet. I've always liked the idea of raising my children in an environment that encourages spiritual/religious creativity since I subscribe to the principles of Chaos Theory. I would love to try different religions in my home when I have kids, Islam, Christianity, paganism... ect I don't want them to live a spiritually ambiguous life, but I also don't want to limit their religious exposure. I feel like it would be my job as the parent to expose them to life in a safe educational way... Bringing different religions into the home is the most thorough way I can think of to educate them on religion. That way when they're older they will have a broader understanding of the spiritual spectrum and they will be able to follow beliefs that really suit themselves individually.

[eac.livejournal.com]

I would not want Kat indoctrinated into that particular kind of fundamentalism, but I'm troubled by the idea of silencing this woman. I think my approach might be to "take charge of her religious education" and open up religion for a broader discussion -- take Kat to a mosque and a synagogue and a variety of churches and a few pagan rituals.

I don't think you can force children to believe what you want them to believe, however, so if the creationism is more compelling after you've discussed everything, there you are.

I'm not very happy with that response because I would be very upset if Kat went the way of my Pentecostal relatives, but she is her own person...

I feel like I am just scratching the surface here, but Katie has just crawled into the other room and I have to go and work...and, and...

[jerrygarciuh.livejournal.com]

I think the response is pretty reasonable however I am certain that at least some portion of the transmission of these ideas is coming from the kids themselves so if "Raising Kids" wants to instill her views she had better shit or get off the pot because contact with those kids is going to have an effect.

My personal feeling as a Pagan who is married to a Xian who takes my son to church and Sunday school is that it is important to respectfully assert your own beliefs and urge the child to see these beliefs as a matter of personal choice in a debate which no one has much factual evidence.

Thing is anyone purporting a specific Biblically based age for the Earth to 6 and 9 year olds has a serious agenda that I would be concerned about.

I will be interested to see more discussion on this but we are off to Zekey's b-day dinner at Pascale's Manale w00t!

Okay, well this is something new, something old...

[dzrtgirl69.livejournal.com]

As you may remember me speaking to you about something similar like this happening to myself, but instead of me coming home to my parents (I was raised Vedantist - a Hindu off shoot of the Vedic teachings - much older than christianity mind you - more of a Hindu Unitarian church)& saying what that child said I came home asking my parents why I was going to go to hell? For those other folks reading....I was asked by the sabbath school teacher (my friends across the street were Seventh Day adventist)if I accepted JC as my ONLY lord and savior? I said no because there are many avatars of God (I was like 6 & I can't believe I actually said this, but it's true) - like Krishna, Buddha, Sri Sarada Devi, etc. & then they told me if I didn't believe JC was my ONLY Lord & savior I would burn in Hell, NO FUCKING JOKE. MY mother was LIVID and she didn't really limit our time to play with them & my dad was of the mind to cut our lives from theirs completely, so they decided on no more Saturday school for us & I was fine with that b/c I could feel the dogma even then. I am scared of most xian's - nice one jerrygarciuh - but I do know some really nice folks who are believers & it doesn't bother me anymore b/c I don't care if some one thinks I'm going to hell anymore and it's really my own choice to believe in what I believe.

NOW...I don't have nor do I want kids - but if it were me & my husband I think we'd start with less time over at the jesuit house. My husband is a scientist & I'm more of a pagan/earth girl/Vedantic/multi-deity kind of person. We think taking mind drugs & going hiking in Yosemite is going to church - I think that it's wrong for people to do that w/out a parents permission - kind of like GIVING YOUR KID A HAIR CUT W/OUT ASKING - YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN TG?

It would have been a polite thing for the other parent to come & ask if they could talk to the writing in parent's child about their beliefs or take the child to their church. I would also explain to my child (if I had one & if that happened) that you don't have to go to a god box to be close to god & that if they wanted to learn more about that particular religion then it would be like a class & we'd go to all kinds of churches to learn that their are MANY PATHS TO THE SAME LIGHT...they all get to the same place just some of the names are different & the boss may be a man or a woman.

Basically I think it was WRONG for the other parent to do that kind of brainwash on some one else's kid & I too would resent it as well.