Comments

[twirlgrrl]

I hate how LJ emphasizes my interpersonal neuroses.

When I started friending people I jumped right in and commented on everyone's entries, all the time. But as I read more and more posts in communities, I saw comments about "stalkers" and didn't want to be perceived as one. So I got a little more reserved, both with adding new friends and with commenting.

Since then, I've gone through various phases of LJ interpersonal terror. I wonder if any of these will sound familiar to any of you--you know, you, readers, friends list, the ones who are supposedly reading this?

-Fear that I was commenting too much
-Fear that I was commenting too little
-Fear that I comment on every single entry in a person's LJ, thus coming across as stalkerish
-Fear that a friend secretly hates me because they didn't reply to my comment
-Fear that a friend secretly hates me because they NEVER reply to ANY of my comments
-Fear that I comment too much on tellinellen's LJ, since she kindly replies to EVERY COMMENT SHE RECEIVES, so I'm making work for her when I comment
-Fear that my entire friends list hates me because I don't get enough comments
-Fear that I'll start writing entries specifically to elicit comments
-Fear that no one reads my entries because I post at the wrong time of day/night

And on and on.

This is so funny to me, because in real life I am quite sociable and I don't stress about my relationships much at all. I wonder why LJ brings this out in me? Maybe because it's in writing?

I know that I love reading other LJs--I need to go back and read several of my friends from the beginning, in fact--and I do love to comment. And of course, part of the reason I participate in LJ rather than just journaling on my very own hard drive is to be part of the larger community, to build connections. It's like a giant, slow-motion discussion/support group.

The other day I was contemplating this commenting issue and I decided to throw caution to the wind. I decided to comment as much as I wanted, and if that meant commenting on every single post I read, then so be it. Well, that has lasted less than two days. No one is replying to my comments! (Except you, tellinellen, you're a paragon of replying.) No one is commenting to me! Forget the fact that I haven't even posted since I started this comment renaissance. I'm withdrawing from the comment renaissance. I am going back to comment hermithood.

As if I could ever shut up. :-)

Comments

[two-roads.livejournal.com]

The commenting thing on LJ has always made me feel a little silly. I hate it when you make a post and no one replies. In fact, I hate it when I make a post and fewer than 10 people reply. I have around 60 friends, so you would think 10 of them would be interested enough in what I have to say to want to comment.

Then I feel stupid for caring if people reply to what I post. Why should I care? This is my journal - my place to write whatever I want. It shouldn't matter if no one responds.

And then, like you, I worry about people who never reply at all. Or don't reply when I comment in THEIR journal. Do they hate me? Why do they even have me friended?

So I guess I'm LJ-neurotic too! :-P

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Exactly, exactly. Probably we *all* are!

Thanks for your comment, hee hee. Now I'm worried that this entry will be perceived as a shameless shakedown for comments.

[two-roads.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, I promise that's not why I commented! I commented because when I read your entry, I was thinking, "Me too!" the whole time :)

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

And because you live in the east, so you're already up. :-)

[two-roads.livejournal.com]

I live in the east? Well, east of you I suppose. :)

Yes, Noah woke up at the ungodly hour of 7:30 this morning. I guess I shouldn't complain - I have several friends with toddlers who like waking up at 6:00. I'll take 7:30 over that any day.

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, east of me! 7:30 is early to me, but not TOO early I guess. Blue is waking up around 8 now because of the &$(%* time change. I miss the luxury of "sleeping in" until 9 or 9:30 though.

[janisfan.livejournal.com]

I also hate it when no one replies to an entry (esp. one that is about a meaningful topic and not just a silly meme or whatever).

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I don't know how to encourage comments, though--other than to make a long post detailing my commenting neuroses, that is!

[leviathaen.livejournal.com]

I'm guilty of the same thing. It's kind of silly, isn't it? ;)

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Emphatically yes. But then again, isn't that what we're here for? I think the name LiveJOURNAL is a misnomer. Who actually uses this site just for a personal journal, without ever friending anyone at all?

[leviathaen.livejournal.com]

I'm sure there might be one or two. I suppose it is a little more secure than to keep a paper journal. Seems a little "When a try drops in the forest" to me. If said people exist, we wouldn't exactly know of them, would we? lol

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

No, I guess we wouldn't. I just love the community-building function of LJ so much, I can't imagine not using it that way. But then, I'm uber-social.

[gen-here.livejournal.com]

I have a journal for Robert that is just me friended to it. Granted, I don't update it much (it's like letters to him - not developmental stuff). But I would feel silly if others read it =)

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Well, I can understand that--after all, I've split myself up over 3 LJs. But it would be harder to understand if you didn't also have one that was open to friends.

[ninjalie.livejournal.com]

hah the last fear I have had but none of the other ones. Although, I did decide that I wasnt commenting on anyones ljs enough so i made myself a new rule that I have to make at least 10 comments everyday. Since I made that rule I find myself more interested and enjoying LJ more. It's easier to comment now that I am used to it.

I don't think you comment too much at all either. People post stuff on LJ to encourage thought and conversation (at least I do) So I think commenting plenty makes it a more enjoyable experience otherwise you might as well have a private diary right?

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

That's so funny. As I was writing this, I was thinking that you would be the exception to most of it. We are so different in some ways! And yes, I think commenting is key to LJ enjoyment. I would set all of my entries to private if I didn't want comments.

My own new rule is to reply to every comment I get--well, at least the first comment I get from each friend. I don't want to get in a reply war!

[kathykat.livejournal.com]

stop stalking my lj....

;)

you know I love you very much...I'm guessing your comment woes have nothing to do with me...

and you know I'm in a funk right now.

more so than comments, I wish I could get you on the phone sometimes...but even leaving messages for eachother is nice...your messages often make me smile

btw, can you pass the info to Evan that several of us are going to The End Up this Friday? the usual crowd, plus two of my other friends, plus a co worker and her friend (they can practice Japanese)

I hope he can go, it would be fun...of course as always, the more the merrier!

speak to you soon (in some form!)

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Ditto, ditto, and ditto, with an exception for the funk part--my funk is lifting.

I'll tell Evan.

Thanks for commenting! ;-)

[ninjalie.livejournal.com]

haha I guess I am always the exception. :p

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

In my world you are, baby! :-)

[artemis-rich.livejournal.com]

I always try to respond back to my comments. I'm grateful for them and don't want them to stop, so I try to be engaging.

And as far as comment too much: go for it. That's why we're here, right? For the feedback, the community, the bonhomie.

Sorry you've been in a funk. *hugs*

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Me too, and yes! I'm getting better now. Turns out I was PMSing I guess. Plus, DSL has been up & down and that is SOOO frustrating.

[momwifenurse.livejournal.com]

haha ur silly :)

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

:P

[janisfan.livejournal.com]

I love your comments - keep em coming!

My neurosis is that I am always afraid that I don't reply to people's comments enough...

[tellinellen.livejournal.com]

tonight when i was in the middle of my khores i was having this worry that i didn't respond to one of your resent posts bekause i wasn't sure what to say, and now i was afraid you would be mad or hurt.

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Well you don't!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Don't worry, I'll keep commenting anyway. Glad to know I'm not bugging you. :-)

[jaxonsmama.livejournal.com]

I love it that you're a commenter. God, often you are the ONLY commenter on my LJ. Your comments are always kind and thoughtful, who wouldn't want that?

I get wierdly insecure about my blogs, especially when there are no comments. I think that's one reason why my blog entries are so far and few between. I had NO IDEA you felt similar, you seem to me like the bloggin Queen......seriously.

Keep those comments coming and I'll try to do the same. ;)
Love you

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is, I think almost everyone feels this way, at least sometimes!

I'm sad that you're more on blogspot than LJ, even though I understand your reasons... I wish I had pushed harder to get more of my RL friends using the communities on LJ. But no one is an internet junkie like I am. I just love the networkiness of this particular software. And the fact that it's easy to read all my friends' updates with one click. For everyone on other sites, I have to remember to go visit them once in a while.

Which reminds me...

I need to go read your blog now! Updated much?

I love your comments to me too. In a way this is like a continuation of a very big scrapbook in which you figure prominently. Like the paintings on my bus.

I miss you!

[kathykat.livejournal.com]

look at all these comments...you WHORE.

hahahhaahhahha! now, I'm cracking myself up!!

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

I should have just titled this post "Comment whoring." It sure worked though, didn't it? A new record # of comments for me, even though half of them ARE me.

mikhael says: "you're smiling a lot right now - is something funny going on online?"

[tellinellen.livejournal.com]

hahahahahahah.

i have....

-fear that people think i'm a dork bekause i think i always have to answer komments and kan never just let a komment sit there

-fear that if i don't answer a komment someone will go bakk and see that i answered other komments in the thread so they will think you are dissing them.

i do try to tell myself "you do not have to always keep the dialogue going!!!!" i TRY to not respond to every single one. sometimes i hit reply and then tell myself "wait - you don't have anything to say... so just don't say anything!!!" i worry that it's like i'm inkapable of letting someone else have the last word. i aktually notised that there is one person on my fl who also keeps the dialogue going a lot, and so we are always ending with emotikons or something bekause we kan't just let something go unanswered - must play it to the very end!!!

i'm glad my komment replies made you happy. i would never think anything bad about you kommenting - keep em koming!!!

Re: mikhael says: "you're smiling a lot right now - is something funny going on online?"

[gen-here.livejournal.com]

I love reading your posts elsewhere on LJ... and I especially love that you don't let your broken "C" get in the way of it! I think I would go nuts trying to figure out how to write things and make them make sense without a C, but seriously, I totally applaud you for doing it! I think it's great that you can think outside the box enough to do it and have it actually work! It makes me smile =)

Re: mikhael says: "you're smiling a lot right now - is something funny going on online?"

[tellinellen.livejournal.com]

i'm glad that it's not annoying!

Re: mikhael says: "you're smiling a lot right now - is something funny going on online?"

[artemis-rich.livejournal.com]

Personally, I won't know what to do if you ever get your "c" fixed. I think of the peach as the "Peakh" and if it's spelled any other way in reference to your passenger it doesn't look right.

Re: mikhael says: "you're smiling a lot right now - is something funny going on online?"

[tellinellen.livejournal.com]

well i bought an external keyboard like a WEEK ago or something, but i have been stalling on trying it out. i feel like i'm just going to be so annoyed with having an external one.

i'll bet when i hook it up i will aksidentally spell stuff all krazy-like out of habit.

Re: mikhael says: "you're smiling a lot right now - is something funny going on online?"

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

I love it that you answer comments, I think it's very polite of you. I'm going to try to emulate your behavior. Except I'm still going to try not to devolve into emoticons back & forth EVERY time. Sometimes is OK.

:-)

(hee hee)

Re: mikhael says: "you're smiling a lot right now - is something funny going on online?"

[tellinellen.livejournal.com]

see, i hit reply and now i don't even know what i was going to say.

:P

[gen-here.livejournal.com]

I think from one of my recent posts, you know I share this neurosis... at least part of it. My problem is that I am, by nature, a very social person. However, I don't have any (or at least much of an) outlet for it in real life where we are. So when I have friends that don't comment on anything on my journal (or reply to my comments on theirs even though they are replying to most of the others), it DOES make me neurotic. Add in late pregnancy hormones... ay yay yay!

I know that I had a comment from you in my inbox in the last 24 hours - I just haven't been home to answer them yet =)

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Your post is partly what brought these thoughts to the surface, although of course they're always bubbling around. I totally understand the social outlet thing... in the dark days of caring for a newborn all by myself and never being available for any sort of phone calling or visiting (it's better now, and different, but I'm still ridiculously busy) LJ was my *ONLY* reliable social connection. And I was, and am, so grateful to have met moms of similarly-aged kids who are so super groovy and wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without y'all, seriously. Thank goodness for LJ, open 24/7/365. I'd be awfully lonely without it.

Ummm, I'm mostly verrrry shy about commenting

[hallsl.livejournal.com]

but I'm going to comment here because it would seem significant if I didn't. I don't keep a public blog, so I don't have the same set of neuroses. My neurosis is that all the cool people are commenting, and why on earth would they want to read what I have to say? Argh. And now I'm worrying that Annie is reading this and wondering why I comment sometimes here and not so often on hers, and the answer is that she intimidates me just a little more than you do, and so I start comments and feel tongue-tied and delete them.

Sheeeessssh... nice to know we're all neurotic here together, eh? Loveya!

Re: Ummm, I'm mostly verrrry shy about commenting

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA I love it. Actually, along with glooms up there, Annie is the other person I would imagine being the exception to all this commenting neurosis. (Hi, Annie!)

I'm always thrilled when I get a comment from you, either here or on my email. I feel like we communicate more because of LJ, even though we've been close for so long, we weren't available to talk much. So it's nice to feel connected to you more frequently. And I *always* want to read what you have to say.

I totally relate to feeling shy about not being cool enough to comment. I often feel like whatever I have to say isn't as important as I imagine... in fact it's so trivial and everyone knows it already, why not just delete it? LOL. Try participating in communities, with all these 20-something sharpies just looking for someone to snark. I'm generally outside their baiting range, but still. There is a highschool popularity contest element to many LJ communities, largely due to the dominant demographic I guess, and it's entertaining to watch the action (at least it is to me, which is why I track some snark and debate communities on my 2 major LJs) but I am not a participant.

Anyway. Yep, neurotic, that's all of us! Thanks for being here with me.

Love you too!

Re: Ummm, I'm mostly verrrry shy about commenting

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Oops, I meant

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-user "glooms">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Oops, I meant <lj-user "glooms">

Re: Ummm, I'm mostly verrrry shy about commenting

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Goldangit, I can't do it right tonight and am too lazy to look at the faqs. Sorry.

[cathyam.livejournal.com]

Hey, keep the comments up, I love your comments :)

[twirlgrrl.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you!

May I friend you?

[cathyam.livejournal.com]

Why of course :) Will do the same.

[artemis-rich.livejournal.com]

Forty-five comments. And I just gave you numbers 46 and 47. You were just trollin' for comments weren't you?

Comment whore!

*giggles maniacally*